Having looked at the field of candidates for the 2016 election I have started to ponder the thought of running for the presidency. I remain unimpressed with everyone running so far. Some outright scare me. I promise you one thing, as your president, I will bring some common sense to the job and my press conferences are bound to be epic and in some cases hilarious. I donâ??t want to run, but seriously, what a bunch of bozos we have in the race. I feel itâ??s my obligation to at least let you know where I stand. My platform is as follows.
America is not perfect so deal with it world. Neither is any other country. I’m not ashamed of my country and won’t be doing a lot of apologizing unless we really mess something up.
Working with Congress. I’ll try – but let’s face it, that is one messed up bunch of narcissistic nut-balls. A lot of my time will be spent trying to work with Congress – I will try. Then I’ll use my executive powers like Teddy Roosevelt did, on a grand scale. Let â??em sue me.
Raise the minimum wage. The minimum wage was never meant to be lived on. Some people have to work these jobs because they can’t do anything else. I get it. Raising the wage won’t plunge the economy into chaos – that’s BS and I think we all know it. I would insist that Congress couldn’t give itself a raise unless it raises the minimum wage and military wages. I’ll deliver the bill to Congress myself with a smile.
I’d scale back the Patriot Act to something reasonable. I don’t believe in sacrificing freedom because of fear. Weâ??re bigger than that.
Dramatically change our education system and funding. Our schools have become a weird form of daycare and food distribution for low-income families. Teachers and administrators have their hands tied at every level. I will return schools to being teaching (not testing) institutions.
Increase funding for veterans programs and an overhaul of the VA. The Veterans Administration is dysfunctional. Did you know they spent $400k to write a series of books on the history of their agency? What the hell? The money should have been spent on the veterans. Which leads into…
Accountability in the government. When someone screws up big time in my administration, they will be fired; plain and simple. Hell, I may make it public (I told you my press conferences would be epic.) If you work in the government you have to pay your taxes or you don’t keep your job. That includes you Congress.
Implement large penalties against corporations who hire or move jobs outside of the US. Yeah, this outsourcing crap – that’s coming to an end under a Pardoe Presidency. You want to move jobs outside of the US you will be responsible for retraining your staff, ensuring they get new jobs, and you will be taxed into oblivion for working against the best interests of your country.
My foreign policy is simple. Russia and ISIS have to be dealt with using the full weight and power of the government.
Increase our technology infrastructure and cyber defense. This needs to be a national defense program. I will authorize the FBI to apprehend anyone pretending to be Microsoft Support as a scam.
Stimulating higher education. I’d cut student loan interest rates in half and extend the time they have to pay them back. Kids shouldn’t graduate college and be crippled for years with interest debt.
Immigration reform. Our country was built on immigrants that came here…legally. If you’re here under my administration, you have to get yourself legal and pay a nominal fine for being here illegally. If you don’t do that, you’re out. I’ll give you time to get legal, but after that it’s “game on.” Oh, and the border – that will be secured. Also, if you serve in the military honorably, you become a citizen.
Social Security. This was never intended to be people’s sole source of retirement income – but it often is. I will ensure it is funded and protected.
Health Care. I would remove the mandatory enrollment in Obamacare. I don’t think the government should make you buy anything. At the same time if you show up at a hospital with no insurance – you don’t get a free ride either.
As you can see, I have no hope of being elected.
I didn’t promise everyone free stuff and I didn’t lie. I’m not a sleazy backstabbing Washington insider who has aspired for the job of president my whole life.
I didn’t graduate Yale and my parents were not rich. I’m not from a political dynasty that feels entitled to the job. I’m just an American with simple beliefs that cross all party lines.
Then again…isn’t that what our forefathers would have wanted?
Blaine Pardoe is a New York Times bestselling and award winning author of numerous books in the science fiction, military non-fiction, true crime, paranormal, and business management genres. He lives in Amissville. You may reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org