Precise prognosticators predict Super Bowl champions

Pulled toward the lights in New Jersey like some cosmic bug zapper, a magnificent band of prognosticators gathered to offer their predictions at an undisclosed location. Their quest is to predict the winner of Super Bowl XLVII.

The Columnist

During the regular season my predictions were approximately 66 percent correct, according to my lousy math skills. Now it’s Super Bowl time and we have two great teams squaring off in the armpit of America.

No sunny climes and gentle winds this season, just Roger Goodell’s winter folly and a cold wind.

Here’s my take on the game. I’m going with the Seahawks with my rationale being that the best defense tends to trump the best offense in Super Bowls. The last four times a “best offense” met a “best defense” the defense garnered three victories.

The Seahawk’s defense and a strong day from Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch will be the difference in my opinion. If the Seahawks can avoid turnovers and run the football effectively, they will win.

According to the Vegas gurus, the Seahawks are narrow underdogs. Did you know that history shows that underdogs have been 5-1 over the last six years?

My only tinge of doubt is personified by a calm, cool Peyton Manning led offense that seems to score at will this season. As far as the weather goes, I think precipitation and cold favor the Seahawks, slightly. A clear, cold, dry game favors the Broncos, slightly.

My prediction: Seahawks win 27-24

The Video Game

Electronic Art’s Madden football game has proven to be an effective prediction tool. Madden simulations have correctly selected the winner eight times over the last 10 years. That’s pretty solid.

This year’s prediction has the Broncos winning 27-21. In the simulation, Peyton Manning completed 34 of 44 passes for 359 yards, according to the Xbox Madden 25 simulation.

The game was replayed 10 times and the Broncos won eight times. Curiously, the margin of victory never exceeded seven points. Is this marketing or statistical wizardry?

Video game: Broncos win 27-21

Youth versus Maturity

In the youth versus maturity match-up, it looks like the Kid Central children are all in for the Seahawks while the Silver Citizen’s Club is going with the Peyton Manning led Broncos. OMAHA! OMAHA!

Youth versus Maturity: Kid Central says Seahawks. Silver Club says Broncos.

Animal Kingdom

Now for the most exciting and intriguing predictions direct from the animal kingdom. They sleep on our couches while we work and I think they’ve been watching football.

They see ghosts and predict earthquakes, right?

Culpeper Mayor “Chip” Coleman’s beloved beagle “Bradley” barked twice for the Broncos.

Pierre, the Cajun Chihuahua from Louisiana sniffed, smiled and smirked choosing the Seahawks.

“Beardy” my son’s Aussie lizard picked the Seahawks with the cricket method. One cricket was named Wilson and the other Manning. Wilson’s mobility was superior. He lasted one minute longer.

Bogart, the friendly Lab from Ladysmith, raised a paw to a Broncos victory.

Grady, the Wheaten Terrier used the “poop shape” method, according to its owner. We don’t need the details, but he selected the Broncos. Yuck! He was also magnetically aligned.

Feline prognosticators included Baxter, from North Carolina and Jarvis, from Rockville. They chose the Seahawks and Broncos respectively. Baxter apparently hates the sound of OMAHA!

Strangely enough the animals were more unified last year but very accurate.

In memory: Franco the Ferret, of Fredericksburg, a favorite prognosticator passed away this year.

Enjoy the game and stay safe. Your guess might be as good as ours…or maybe not.

Marshall Conner is a regular contributor to the Culpeper Times. You may reach him at kelpiescot@gmail.com