Pardoe’s Perspective: I’m not getting old, I’m just getting started

With all of the serious stuff happening in the world, I thought a little humor was long overdue. I noticed recently some early signs I am getting “more seasoned,” or as I like to think of it, “getting ripe.”

So here’s the signs I’ve seen creep into my life that indicate I’m getting older
I have no patience for people in lines. They can be lines on the road or at Lowes – I find people in lines ill-prepared for the task at hand…even if that task is simply standing there.
2. I’m less-inclined to be in large groups. Concerts? Lawn seats? Are you kidding me? What am I, a hippie? I have learned over the years that when large groups of people assemble, their overall intelligence drops. It’s not a good combination.
3. Two beers and I want a nap. I remember drinking a lot more when I was younger. Now it’s a prelude to naps and trips to the bathroom.
4. I care little about political parties and even less about politicians. Let’s be honest, party doesn’t matter, these guys and gals are mostly crooks playing with my tax money.
5. I distrust the media.
6. I care where my tax dollars are spent. I care even more that the government spends all of them and a lot of dollars they don’t have.
7. I don’t give a damn about the Kardashians. What that family did to Bruce Jenner is disturbing and should be illegal.
8. I don’t tolerate fools as much as I used to. I was never good at being nice to morons. As I have aged, I find I’m more blunt with them. It’s a form of entertainment.
9. I resent self-checkouts and the employees that steer me there. “So now I have to shop, ring myself up, and bag my purchases? What are you being paid for? More importantly, where’s my discount for doing all of the store’s work?”
10. I reference things that other people don’t get. I made a comment the other day to a fellow employee that I thought the woman on the phone was going to have a Khrushchev moment and start pounding her shoe on the podium. That person asked me who Khrushchev was? So much for public education, which was iffy when I went to school.
11. I notice that today’s kids are soft – and in many cases, doughy.
12. I don’t get the music of the day. Now I know how my parents felt. I highly question if some of the stuff on the radio technically qualifies as music. It’s more like rhythmic gibberish. I contend that the music industry came to an end in 1986, as my iPhone selections will attest.
13. Other people’s opinions matter less outside of work. I find I listen to them more, because everyone has an opinion or two to offer (regardless of my asking.) I HAVE found that my wife’s opinion matters much more with the passage of time.
14. I have sentimental moments. I never used to wax nostalgic, but I have more of these each year. There are days that the past are much more appealing than the present – but still not as exciting as the future.
15. Technology has connected us in new and entertaining ways, but none of these have improved how we relate to each other.
16. As I play with my grandson, I have discovered that some things are timeless. A child with a towel as a cape can always be Superman.
17. My regrets are dwindling. In the end, I am quite happy where I ended up in life. What more can any of us want?

You’ll note that I’m not “maturing.” I opt to remain immature as long as I can, something my family will attest to. I assume I’m not the only one out there that feels the nagging tug of time on us.

Blaine Pardoe is an award-winning bestselling author of numerous books. His most recent include Murder in Battle Creek: The Mysterious Death of Daisy Zick and Business Rules: The Cynic’s Guidebook to the Corporate Overlords.