With all of the serious stuff happening in the world, I thought a little humor was long overdue. I noticed recently some early signs I am getting âmore seasoned,â or as I like to think of it, âgetting ripe.â
So hereâs the signs Iâve seen creep into my life that indicate Iâm getting older
I have no patience for people in lines. They can be lines on the road or at Lowes – I find people in lines ill-prepared for the task at handâ¦even if that task is simply standing there.
2. Iâm less-inclined to be in large groups. Concerts? Lawn seats? Are you kidding me? What am I, a hippie? I have learned over the years that when large groups of people assemble, their overall intelligence drops. Itâs not a good combination.
3. Two beers and I want a nap. I remember drinking a lot more when I was younger. Now itâs a prelude to naps and trips to the bathroom.
4. I care little about political parties and even less about politicians. Letâs be honest, party doesnât matter, these guys and gals are mostly crooks playing with my tax money.
5. I distrust the media.
6. I care where my tax dollars are spent. I care even more that the government spends all of them and a lot of dollars they donât have.
7. I donât give a damn about the Kardashians. What that family did to Bruce Jenner is disturbing and should be illegal.
8. I donât tolerate fools as much as I used to. I was never good at being nice to morons. As I have aged, I find Iâm more blunt with them. Itâs a form of entertainment.
9. I resent self-checkouts and the employees that steer me there. âSo now I have to shop, ring myself up, and bag my purchases? What are you being paid for? More importantly, whereâs my discount for doing all of the storeâs work?â
10. I reference things that other people donât get. I made a comment the other day to a fellow employee that I thought the woman on the phone was going to have a Khrushchev moment and start pounding her shoe on the podium. That person asked me who Khrushchev was? So much for public education, which was iffy when I went to school.
11. I notice that todayâs kids are soft â and in many cases, doughy.
12. I donât get the music of the day. Now I know how my parents felt. I highly question if some of the stuff on the radio technically qualifies as music. Itâs more like rhythmic gibberish. I contend that the music industry came to an end in 1986, as my iPhone selections will attest.
13. Other peopleâs opinions matter less outside of work. I find I listen to them more, because everyone has an opinion or two to offer (regardless of my asking.) I HAVE found that my wifeâs opinion matters much more with the passage of time.
14. I have sentimental moments. I never used to wax nostalgic, but I have more of these each year. There are days that the past are much more appealing than the present â but still not as exciting as the future.
15. Technology has connected us in new and entertaining ways, but none of these have improved how we relate to each other.
16. As I play with my grandson, I have discovered that some things are timeless. A child with a towel as a cape can always be Superman.
17. My regrets are dwindling. In the end, I am quite happy where I ended up in life. What more can any of us want?
Youâll note that Iâm not âmaturing.â I opt to remain immature as long as I can, something my family will attest to. I assume Iâm not the only one out there that feels the nagging tug of time on us.
Blaine Pardoe is an award-winning bestselling author of numerous books. His most recent include Murder in Battle Creek: The Mysterious Death of Daisy Zick and Business Rules: The Cynicâs Guidebook to the Corporate Overlords.